Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
