we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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