I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
