i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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