come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
