YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
