i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
