Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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