i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
