My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
