I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pooping to opera.
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