he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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