We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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