Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
