Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize