I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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