I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
