this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
