It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
