we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
