I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize