Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
