how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize