I hate all girls vehemently.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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