would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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