pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
