Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
