Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
