Dual....:-)
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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