Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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