Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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