walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Is Oprah even human
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize