When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize