People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have aggressive nipples.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize