Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
