he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
