when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
