So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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