I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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