Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
