can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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