ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
MIDGETS
????
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
