The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
