first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
