I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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