We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
