Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
