I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
