I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
