I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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