he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
