ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
