some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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