wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
