it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
