Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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