My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
