end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Never underestimate the power of titties
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