Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
