someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
