As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All the doctor said was why
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize