Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
