He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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