You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
