No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
