Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
