I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
