my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize