WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
