I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
