I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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