$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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