Nicole vs. Life
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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