Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
