Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
