Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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